Is there a SQL Server 2000 functional equivalent to MySQL's ON DUPLICAT KEY clause? This Answer led me to look at the Instead of Trigger construct, but the sample looks clunky, and the functionality would be hidden in the trigger, and not be directly in the stored proc.
FWIW: I am trying to create a stats table for per-minute summaries, so that I can just call one Procedure to log the fact that an action happened and increment the counter for the appropriate minute.