The foolproof way to do it at the moment is try the insert and let it fail. You can do that at the app level or at the Postgres level; assuming it's not part of a procedure being executed on the server, it doesn't materially matter if it's one or the other when it comes to performance, since either way you're sending a request to the server and retrieving the result. (Where it may matter is in your need to define a save point if you're trying it from within a transaction, for the same reason. Or, as highlighted in Craig's answer, if you've many failed statements.)
In future releases, a proper merge
and upsert
are on the radar, but as the near-decade long discussion will suggest implementing them properly is rather thorny:
With respect to the other options you mentioned, the above wiki pages and the links within them should highlight the difficulties. Basically though, using a subselect is cheap, as noted by Erwin, but isn't concurrency-proof (unless you lock properly); using locks basically amounts to locking the entire table (trivial but not great) or reinventing the wheel that's being forged in core (trivial for existing rows, less so for potentially new ones which are inserted concurrently if seek to use predicates instead of a table-level lock); and using a transaction and catching the exception is what you'll end up doing anyway.