You'd probably have to write that yourself. Its a lot of icky portability hacks for no (real) glorious purpose ... i.e. a lot of work to accomplish something that could be accomplished via other means.
Getting something to work on *nix, *bsd and MacOS would not be too terribly hard. Crafting / generating a parser to handle some kind of easy rule based configuration file would not be too hard. Adding the final Windows spice to the mix would be a royal pain in the rear. Then off you go to learn some new Python based build configuration system since not every Windows user has cygwin and a shell ... then off you go finding people to help you find bugs.
After a few hundred hours, you'd begin to wonder if it was really worth writing. In 2 - 3 hours, you could have cygwin, ssh and some handy shell scripts doing the job just fine.
It is said that most really useful programs are a direct result of a programmer scratching a personal itch. So .. if this is something you really need and have time to do, I'd say go for it. Surely, it would become rather popular. Barring that, for the reasons above, I suspect such a program would remain unwritten for quite some time to come.