I published a nuget package (SqlBulkTools) to solve this problem.
Here's a code example that would achieve a bulk upsert.
var bulk = new BulkOperations();
var books = GetBooks();
using (TransactionScope trans = new TransactionScope())
{
using (SqlConnection conn = new SqlConnection(ConfigurationManager
.ConnectionStrings["SqlBulkToolsTest"].ConnectionString))
{
bulk.Setup<Book>()
.ForCollection(books)
.WithTable("Books")
.AddAllColumns()
.BulkInsertOrUpdate()
.MatchTargetOn(x => x.ISBN)
.Commit(conn);
}
trans.Complete();
}
For very large tables, there are options to add table locks and temporarily disable non-clustered indexes. See SqlBulkTools Documentation for more examples.