Whether the database can provide graceful management of this will depend largely on whether it is using strict two-phase locking (S2PL) or multi-version concurrency control (MVCC) techniques to manage concurrency. Under MVCC reads don't block writes, and vice versa, so it is very possible to manage this with relatively simple logic. Under S2PL you would spend too much time blocking for the database to be a good mechanism for managing this, so you would probably want to look at external mechanisms. Of course, an external mechanism can work regardless of the database, it's just not really necessary with MVCC.
Databases using MVCC are PostgreSQL, Oracle, MS SQL Server (in certain configurations), InnoDB (except at the SERIALIZABLE isolation level), and probably many others. (These are the ones I know of off-hand.)
I didn't pick up any clues in the question as to which database product you are using, but if it is PostgreSQL you might want to consider using advisory locks. http://www.postgresql.org/docs/current/interactive/explicit-locking.html#ADVISORY-LOCKS I suspect many of the other products have some similar mechanism.