W. C. Fields

• I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
• I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
• On Mae West: A plumber's idea of Cleopatra.

Mae West

• Between two evils, I always like to take the one I've never tried before.
• We're intellectual opposites. Well, I'm intellectual and you're opposite.
• I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.