Growing up I knew there were only 3 professions worthy of true manliness: Ninja, Pirate, and Lumberjack. Due to my excessive hatred of wildlife lumberjack was obviously out of the question. Doing what any young lad would do without a decent coin flip app I decided to do the only thing reasonable; become a Pirate Ninja.

The instinctive hatred both professions have of each other has led to an internal hatred for myself and I quickly headed down a long road of self destructive behavior because of it. My relentless search for booty combined with my preference for stealth attacks has netted me more restraining orders than I'm comfortable with sharing.

Unfortunately these professions also don't pay well; so I have taken up learning PHP development between week long drunken binges and meditation sessions to pay for my mounting legal fees.