Supporting and Caring for Your Pregnant Wife

Co-authored by Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP and Christopher M. Osborne, PhD

Last Updated: June 13, 2022

Pregnancy is an amazing time that can also feel like a roller coaster, and as the partner of a pregnant wife you’re definitely along for the ride! So what can you do to be the supportive spouse your wife deserves? Start by checking out our wide-ranging list of ways to provide emotional, physical, and practical support during pregnancy.

1

Ask her how she’s feeling regularly.

Make it clear that you’re thinking about her and want to be helpful. In addition to the physical transformation and practical changes that occur during pregnancy, it’s also a time that requires a great deal of emotional preparation. So, check in on your wife often each day, ask how she’s feeling, and be ready and willing to listen to what she has to say. Also be just as ready and willing to spring into action and help her out in whatever ways she needs.
- If she wants you to listen as she shares how excited and/or worried she is, do that. If she wants you to go get her some fries and a milkshake, do that!

2

Massage her feet or wherever else she likes.

You don’t have to be a great masseuse, just a willing one. Pregnancy comes with its fair share of aches and pains (and then some), so a nice massage can go a long way toward relieving both discomfort and stress. Foot and lower leg massages are an obvious go-to, but even a good scalp massage can really hit the spot. Massaging your pregnant wife is generally safe to do, but there are a few caveats to keep in mind:
- It’s usually best to avoid massages during the first trimester of pregnancy. Your wife can discuss this topic with her doctor.
- If your wife has pre-existing medical conditions, she should consult with her doctor before having you or anyone else give her massages.
- Don’t massage her belly—stick to gentler touching and caressing.

3

Show affection and share intimacy with her.

Help her to feel both appreciated and attractive. Pregnancy can be isolating, since only your wife is experiencing the big physical changes that come with it—changes that can also leave her feeling less attractive. Even small signs of affection, like a hug, kiss, hand on her shoulder, or quick “I love you” can mean a lot to her.^{[1]
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- Sex during pregnancy is typically fine, so long as your wife doesn’t have any specific medical concerns. Her interest in sex may increase or decrease as well—if she’s not so interested, work together to find other ways to share intimacy. This is a good opportunity to get a little creative!

4

Take over more of the household responsibilities.

Remind yourself that she’s working 24/7 to grow a baby. During your wife’s pregnancy, the more chores you can do, the better! And don’t wait to be asked—take the initiative yourself to do more of the things that keep your household running. This is a relatively simple—but much-appreciated—way to provide some physical and emotional support to your wife.^{[2]
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5

Go out and do fun things together.

Do stuff now that you won’t be able to do once the baby arrives. Depending on the particulars of your wife’s pregnancy, “going out” might range from kayaking to attending a live show to grabbing lunch at your favorite local restaurant. The important thing is to make time for the things you enjoy doing together, within reason based on the pregnancy.^{[3]
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6

Attend checkups and classes with her.

Show her that you’re working as a team. Make it your mission to be as actively involved in all aspects of the pregnancy as your wife wants and needs you to be. This includes going to the ultrasounds and other checkups, as well as any pregnancy, labor and delivery, or newborn care classes she wants to attend. Be there for her and for the baby!
- If she doesn’t want you to attend every little event with her, that’s fine. Offer to drive her to the appointments or take care of other things so she has the time she needs to attend the events.

7

Learn all you can about pregnancy and babies.

Even if it’s not your first child, there’s always more to learn! While your wife is doing the heavy lifting for the pregnancy, you can take it upon yourself to become an expert on pregnancy, childbirth, and newborn care. In addition to preparing yourself, this is another way to show your wife that you’re a “team player.”^{[4]
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- Get your online information from reliable sources like government agencies and professional medical organizations.
- Choose books that aren’t just highly-rated and recommended, but also authored or published by trustworthy sources.

8

Encourage her to be active but also rest as needed.

She should listen to her body (and doctor) regarding physical activity. No two pregnancies are the same, so the ideal combination of physical activity and rest varies. Generally speaking, exercising during pregnancy is good for the joints and tendons (among other health benefits), but moderation and rest are also important. Your wife should work with her medical team to figure out the proper balance in her case.
- You might support her efforts to stay active by going on a walk with her each evening after dinner, or driving her to a water aerobics class a couple days a week.

9

Model healthy habits and behaviors for her.

It’s easier for her to make healthy choices if you’re making them too. In addition to finding the right balance of exercise and rest, choices like eating a healthy diet, getting enough sleep each night, and avoiding things like drugs, alcohol, and tobacco contribute to a healthy pregnancy. While it’s true that your healthy (or unhealthy) choices typically don’t directly impact the growing baby, modeling healthy behaviors can inspire your wife to do the same.^{[5]
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10

Keep an eye out for signs of depression during pregnancy.

Depression signs may be less apparent when your wife is pregnant. Depression is a common condition in general, and can affect women during pregnancy whether or not they’ve experienced it before. Signs such as a lack of interest in favorite activities, feelings of apathy and isolation, habit changes, and increased negativity can be missed amongst all the changes that happen during pregnancy. But, when properly identified, depression can be managed effectively in most cases.
- If you suspect signs of depression, encourage your wife to talk to her medical team and seek out appropriate mental health support. Remind her that this is a sign of strength, not weakness, because she’s doing what is necessary to care for herself and the baby.

11

Discuss the birth plan with her.

Listen, give a bit of input, and show interest in what’s going to happen. Since she’s the one who will be doing the actual birthing, of course your wife should get to run the show when it comes to making the birthing plan. But she’ll really appreciate it if you show a genuine interest in what the plan will entail and what you can do to make it go as smoothly as possible.^{[6]
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- The birth plan involves elements like the location for the birth, who will be assisting with the birth, who will be present for the birth, which (if any) medications will be used, and so on.

12

Bond with the baby through singing and reading.

Make time to connect with both your baby and your wife. Especially if it’s your first child, it may feel a little weird to sing or read to your wife’s growing belly. But you’ll get the hang of it! In addition to familiarizing your baby with your voice, you’ll be spending quality time with your wife and showing her that you’re actively engaged in the pregnancy.

13

Do “belly mapping” together to track the baby’s growth.

Try this technique as you get deeper into the last trimester. Belly mapping is a simple technique that helps you identify the baby’s position by feeling your wife’s belly.^{[7]
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Research source} While it can have practical benefits in some cases, it’s always a great bonding experience to share with both your wife and your baby.
- Belly mapping works best once you get into the eighth and especially ninth months of pregnancy.
- Combine belly mapping with reading and singing to the baby to make some great bonding time.

14

Help her slow down and de-stress as her due date nears.

Your wife may benefit from cutting back on work and other commitments. The last weeks of a pregnancy tend to come with increased stress, but a low-stress environment can really make for a better labor and delivery process when the time comes. Your wife may need to cut back or stop working for physical reasons, but also to ease up on the added stress. Encourage her to do what’s best in order to manage the stress of the situation.
- There are no hard-and-fast rules here—your wife may be able and willing to work right up until she goes into labor. If working helps her manage her stress, then support her in this decision.

15

Prepare and pack for labor and delivery.

Have everything ready to go when your wife’s due date draws near. If your wife plans to give birth at the hospital, for instance, pack a bag with clothes, toiletries, and other items you want to bring along. Plan and practice your travel route during different times of day and traffic conditions, and make sure you know exactly where you’ll need to go once you get to the hospital.^{[8]
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- Even if your wife plans to give birth at home, you may want to pack a bag to keep the essentials in a single place. Do as much prep work as possible to get the birthing area ready to go for when the time comes.

16

Plan ahead for the possibility of postpartum depression.

Don’t be taken by surprise by this common form of depression. Postpartum depression occurs in about 10-15% of women after giving birth, so it’s definitely not a rare condition. Keep an eye out for symptoms like persistent mood swings, sadness, and fatigue that don’t start to ease up after the first several weeks after the birth. By being proactive, your wife can have a plan in place with her health care team to recognize and treat postpartum depression if it occurs.
- Postpartum depression can also happen to partners and spouses, so watch for symptoms and make a plan for yourself as well.

17

Make time to care for your own health and wellbeing.

Pregnancy is a transformative time for you as well. While the physical and emotional changes occurring to your partner are more obvious, you’re also undergoing big changes. Pregnancy can be very stressful for a spouse, especially when you’re planning for the baby’s arrival and trying to be a very supportive partner. It’s important to take time to practice self-care so you can be at your best when your wife and your baby need you.
- Set aside time each day to exercise, meditate, do deep breathing, practice gratitude, or do whatever else helps reduce stress and restore balance for you.