Why Do I Feel Nervous Around a Guy? 11 Reasons He Makes You Nervous

Co-authored by Sarah Schewitz, PsyD and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: February 23, 2022 References

We’ve all been there: a guy walks into the room and your stomach does a little flip. Feeling anxious or a little nervous around a guy is a totally normal feeling—but why, exactly, does it happen? We’ve answered your questions about your nerves so you can figure out why you’re feeling jittery, both around a guy you aren’t dating and around a guy you are dating.

1

You have a crush on him.

Yes, it’s true: having a crush on someone can make us nervous around them. If you get butterflies whenever this guy walks into the room, or you feel yourself blushing when he gives you a compliment, you probably like him! When you’re attracted to someone, your body actually goes through changes when you see them: your heart might beat a little faster, you might breathe a little quicker, and your skin could get flushed.^{[1]
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Trustworthy Source
Cleveland Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source} These changes can lead you to feel nervous or a little anxious, which is normal (and it can actually be fun and exciting, too).^{[2]
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- If you start feeling jittery when the guy is around, take a few long, deep breaths to combat your nerves. This will help slow your breathing and get your heart rate back to normal.^{[3]
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  Harvard Medical School
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2

You’re worried he might reject you.

No one likes to be rejected, and the prospect can make you feel nervous. If you like this guy and you want to ask him out, you probably feel a little worried or anxious about it. Try to remind yourself that a rejection isn’t the end of the world, and even if he says no, you can still pat yourself on the back for putting yourself out there!^{[4]
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- The potential of him saying yes totally outweighs the risk of him saying no. Plus, even if he isn’t interested, he’ll probably be flattered that you asked!

3

You want to make the first move, but you don’t know how.

It’s tough to know how and when to approach someone you like. Plus, there’s a pretty big stereotype that it’s up to the guy to ask the girl out, which you might be banking on if you’re a woman—but if that’s what you’re waiting for, you might be disappointed. Keep in mind that he might be feeling just as shy and nervous as you are, so making the first move might be the best bet.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.}
- If you’re really unsure whether he likes you or not, try feeling out his interest first. Ask him things like, “So, you dating anyone right now?” or, “Do you like anyone?”

4

You think you’re too inexperienced for him.

If you’ve never been in a relationship before, this could cross your mind. Maybe he’s dated a few people in the past, or maybe you’re just worried you won’t know what to do with a boyfriend. Try to remember that we all start somewhere, and even the guy you’re crushing on was inexperienced once, too. If he’s really a good guy, he won’t care how much dating experience you’ve had, and you can still have a fun, fulfilling relationship together.^{[6]
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- Plus, you might just be making assumptions! Even if he’s dated people in the past, it doesn’t mean he knows exactly what to do in a relationship.

5

You feel like you’re not good enough for him.

A lack of confidence can trick you into thinking you’re not good enough. This is a totally normal feeling, especially if you haven’t dated many people before. Keep in mind that we often tell ourselves that we aren’t good enough, and it’s rarely ever true! The more you work on your confidence and self-esteem, the less you’ll feel nervous around this guy.^{[7]
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- A great way to boost your confidence is to make a list of everything you like about yourself (it sounds silly, but it works!). You could add things like, “I’m a great friend,” “I’m very kind to others,” or “I have a great sense of humor.”^{[8]
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  Expert Source
  
  Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.}

6

You don’t know what to talk about.

You might feel a little tongue-tied when you try to chat with a guy. Don’t worry, it’s normal—it’s probably because you don’t know him very well yet.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.} A good way to deal with this problem is to come up with a few conversation topics ahead of time. It might feel silly, but it can really help you dodge an awkward silence during your conversation! Some good conversation topics include:^{[10]
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HelpGuide
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- “How is school / work going?”
- “How’s your family doing?”
- “What’d you get up to this weekend?”

7

You’re in a brand new relationship.

Although it seems silly, new relationships can make us really nervous! Even after you’ve confessed your feelings and landed the guy, calling him your boyfriend might not make you feel completely calm. It’s totally normal to have some new relationship jitters, especially if you’ve never really dated before. As you two get to know each other more, you’ll feel more comfortable around him, and your nerves will go away.^{[11]
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- It’s actually good to feel nervous around your partner! It means you care about what they think, and you’re probably excited to hang out with them.
- If you want to calm down quickly, try just telling him that you’re feeling nervous right now. Chances are, he’s feeling the same way, and you two can laugh off your nerves before continuing to hang out.

8

You feel like you might push him away.

Sometimes we feel like if we open ourselves up, people won’t like us anymore. You might be feeling nervous around someone you like or you’re in a relationship with because you’re worried they won’t like the real you. This is a very normal feeling, and it’s rarely ever true—something you might think is weird might seem totally commonplace to another person.^{[12]
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- Everyone has flaws, even people who look perfect from the outside. As you two get to know each other more, you won’t feel so scared to open yourself up.

9

You’re worried about breaking up.

Even in brand new relationships, this might make you feel nervous. It’s okay to wonder about the future of your relationship, but it can really cause a lot of stress and anxiety if you constantly think about a breakup. Try to enjoy the moment, and think about how happy you are right now instead of worrying about what you might feel later on.^{[13]
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- This is especially common if you’ve gone through a bad breakup once (or a few times) before. Keep in mind that every relationship is different, and there’s no reason that this one has to end badly (or at all).

10

You’re scared about how much you like (or love) him.

Falling in love can be scary, even if it’s for the first time. If you’re in a relationship and you start feeling deep, intense feelings, it might make you feel nervous. Love is a wonderful thing, and although it can feel scary at times, remember that more often than not, it’s going to bring a lot of joy and happiness into your life.^{[14]
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- If you’re really starting to get freaked out, take things slow with your partner. Don’t feel like you have to rush anything, and go at your own pace with the relationship.^{[15]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.}

11

You’re thinking about the future.

You might be wondering if you and your partner will get married or not. You might also be thinking about having kids or moving in together, even if those things are all far away. It’s totally normal to feel nervous about big life changes, and huge relationship milestones are part of that. It’s important to keep your mind present here and now instead of projecting what might happen into the future.^{[16]
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Expert Q&A

Question

Is it normal to be nervous about a guy?

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships.

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD

Licensed Psychologist

Expert Answer

Yes, a little bit of discomfort and insecurity is totally normal. Don't overthink it and don't beat yourself up about it. You'll get over it with time and practice!
Question

What is the scientific reason you get nervous when you talk to someone you like?

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships.

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD

Licensed Psychologist

Expert Answer

It's your body's fight or flight response. Your brain has sent some kind of signal that you're in danger, and the nerves are your body's way of signaling that you need to be alert. This is why deep breathing is so helpful when you're anxious; physically slowing your breath kind of nudges your body to slow down, which helps you get calm.
Question

How can I stop feeling nervous?

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships.

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD

Licensed Psychologist

Expert Answer

You may not shake the feeling entirely, but this really is one of those problems that gets better over time. The more you put yourself out there, the easier it will become!